Every time I think it’s the last letter, it never is

2021.11.30 06:56 Princessneon Every time I think it’s the last letter, it never is

I checked your spotify playlists I’m sorry Something that used to bring me so much joy is still somehow bringing a warm feeling in my chest Sad, crippling and aching But warm I’m crying thinking about both of us listening to so many of the same songs Found separately, listened to differently from 1000 miles apart Do you think of me? When you’re listening to grouper do you think of me? Because right now, in the dark, I’m listening to your playlists and thinking of you Wishing you were starting new playlists because we’d listened to the last ones so much and you wanted me to hear these songs you’d found now, too Your taste in music is so good I liked everything we listened to, always I miss it I can’t listen to those songs anymore
I wrote you a letter. Really long. Too long and I’m sorry. I haven’t sent you anything because they all end up too long. I have too much to say. Do you know it’s been two months since we last spoke? Well, almost anyways. I miss you in everything I do. I want to tell you so much. So much has happened.
I haven’t cried in a long time. I haven’t been able to. But right now I’m listening to grouper and crying and thinking of you Do you think of me? In the dark in your new place when things get quiet? When you wake up in the middle of the night with no one to tell about your bad dreams?
I can’t believe this isn’t a bad dream. Every night I fall asleep hoping I’ll wake up in our bedroom, the fan humming softly and I’ll sit too close to your face and tell you all about it and you’ll groan and hold me. Did I tell you I miss the slanted bed? I can’t sleep like this. Nothing makes sense. I can’t believe this isn’t a bad dream.
Sometimes I think I died instead of going to the hospital and this is what exists after that. If that’s true, I’m sorry you’re in mourning. If it isn’t true, I’m sorry, still. I wish I had died so you’d still think fondly of me. If you even think of me. Do you? I think of you every day and every night and every time christmas music plays at work and every time I see a picture of a capybara and ever time I scroll by a brad mondo video and every time I walk by Powell’s and every time I walk down Hawthorne and every time one of our cats meows and every night when I lie in bed wondering if maybe this is a bad dream or maybe if this is death and I just wish I could wake up but I won’t.
I hope you think fondly of me, at least every once in a while. At least when you hear death with dignity or maybe when you hear on jet lag or maybe when you listen to arms. I can’t listen to arms. Maybe when you go to walmart or walk by the gelato place or into la loupe or when you look in the mirror and you can almost feel me tugging at your sleeves or wrapping my arms around you.
I saw a picture of you on our friend’s instagram story and you were wearing the jacket I gave you. Maybe when you put it on you remembered going to the swap meet and me picking it out knowing it would be your anyways. I wear your clothes more often than I’d like to admit.
I know all of this is my fault. I know I squandered away all of my hopes and dreams. I know I took my hurt and built a wall and ran away and made sure that you could never love me again even though all I ever wanted in the whole world was to wake up and have you tell me that you want to marry me and want to have a family with me. I think about our little family with an old and tired (cat) and a toddling little baby grabbing at her tail and I dissolve. I wish you could’ve seen what I saw when I saw it. And I wish I would’ve waited to see if you’d ever come around to it. But by the time you did it was too late.
You told me once during a conversation close to an argument that you think there’s no such thing as a soulmate or a love of ones life. That each person serves a purpose. And I think you’re right. I needed you when I had you. And I needed them once I left. But I think, when I look back on my life, I will know you as someone I was fated with. More than anyone else. I don’t think I’ll ever experience what I had with you again. I think that was the purest, most unadulterated human love I will ever feel. And now I’m chasing this high I can’t ever maintain.
I love my partner. They are kind and gentle and soft and quiet and sweet. They make me soup and run me baths and lend me books. They drink beer with me, watch movies with me. Usually, they like the movies we watch. They tell me they love me without hesitation and kiss me on demand.
But loving you was unlike anything else. I can still hear your voice breaking, telling me I was your best friend. And you were mine. We always said it was the best story. And now it’s a great story with a fucked up ended that I can never tell because it makes me Too Sad.
This started as a poem but now it’s just another letter that’s too long. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. For never loving you the way you needed me to. For acting out of fear and defensiveness instead of being patient and giving you time. For moving away instead of trying to work it out. For being dramatic. For being messy with my feelings. For being messy with yours. For being messy with our kitchen. And my bedroom. For leaving old food in the fridge. For not taking the trash out. For crying when you wouldn’t kiss me and for crying sometimes when you would because I wanted more.
Now isn’t our time, but god I hope some day I’ll run into you and we’ll hug and sob and maybe we’ll even kiss that one kiss goodbye I wanted so badly but you wouldn’t give me. And maybe it’ll be the last one ever. But maybe we’ll start talking again and it’ll be right this time. We’ll be better. And maybe in some thrift store or record store or walmart or something you’ll meet my eyes and remember why you ever loved me to begin with. And maybe that’s the story we’ll tell our kids as they’re kissing our cats or sitting in your lap at the piano.
I’m moving out of (my roommate’s) place soon, and into a studio. (My new partner) will probably stay there sometimes. Maybe all of the time. You told me when you met me you were worried I didn’t know how to date without cohabitation and you were right. I’m way too insecure. And with you, I felt the most secure I’ve ever felt. Now I just feel regular insecure and jealous and suspicious and horrible. You changed my life, changed how I existed and I’ve regressed right back to the person I was before you. I disgust myself daily.
All of that is just to say I hope you know, no matter who I love or live with or spend my time with, you’re always going to be the part of my life I look back on as the good times.
I hope you can do the same.
I love you, I always have. I probably always will.
If I never do talk to you again, I’m sorry. I never ever thought in a million years I would be the one to hurt you. I want to wish you happiness but it’s hard to imagine you moving on. All I ever wanted was you all to myself and I’m a hypocrite and a monster but thinking about you with someone else still makes me sick. Maybe I am no better than (friend’s abusive girlfriend), or (your ex partner), or (my roommate), or (your friend I never liked) or your fucking mother but I hope that you can see me as someone who never wants to hurt anyone. I never want to hurt anyone, not you, not (my partner), not myself but here I am, probably hurting everyone. My dad always said I was a tornado leaving wreckage in my wake and maybe he’s more right than he knows.
If I ever see your name pop up on my phone again, with that unbearably cute picture of you at (friend’s) place dressed like a cowboy I will answer. You owe me nothing, but I owe you everything and whatever you need from me I’m a phone call or another letter or a fucking carrier pigeon away. We can talk about everything, I can grovel and apologize, I can try to explain. Or you can tell me about your life and I will listen or we can just put Gossip Girl on Netflix Party and not speak or type but just exist. I don’t care. I just miss having you to talk to. Maybe you miss me too, I don’t know.
I hope you’re sleeping soundly right now. You probably are still at work, actually. It’s tuesday. I was in san diego visiting my dad last week and I was so close to your work and it was tuesday and I wanted to go in but I couldn’t. You wouldn’t have liked if I did but I want so much to see your face again.
This has gone on long enough. I’m not trying to downplay my current relationship, I’m not trying to beg for your forgiveness. I just had to get all of this out and my hand started cramping and my letter was getting off track. You kept asking me how I feel about everything on the phone and I didn’t know how to say any of this to you. I still don’t. But here it is my lettepoem/apology/closure/openewhatever.
I’ll be here whenever, if ever you’re ready to talk.
submitted by Princessneon to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 pawpawbear10 Anyone else playing Halo Infinite on their CRT?

Anyone else playing Halo Infinite on their CRT? submitted by pawpawbear10 to crtgaming [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 Punksaii Ringu was nothing like what I expected [I think I love it more for that]

Ringu was nothing like what I expected [I think I love it more for that] submitted by Punksaii to J_Horror [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 3artmagnifique [FOR HIRE] Commissions starting at 16$

submitted by 3artmagnifique to artcommissions [link] [comments]

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submitted by EvanBondz to CryptocurrencyICO [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 X_Wolverine_ Uncharted: Legacy of Thieves Collection might be releasing on May 4th on PS5

Uncharted: Legacy of Thieves Collection might be releasing on May 4th on PS5 the html file of the page has a release date time stamp corresponding with May 4th 2022

The way it works is you have to put this number into a time stamp to date converter
And you get this date.
Done !

Source https://twitter.com/Onion00048/status/1465617230184464384
submitted by X_Wolverine_ to playstation [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 gotit4cheap16 DAAAAMN!!! They over there writing on shoes now? Can these marks be removed?? GL or RL?

DAAAAMN!!! They over there writing on shoes now? Can these marks be removed?? GL or RL?
submitted by gotit4cheap16 to repbudgetsneakers [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 J0225 My 4th success with the pokeradar💚

My 4th success with the pokeradar💚 submitted by J0225 to Pokemon_BDSP [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 flamingobar Reminder! Chapter 1 ends today!

It ends in 6 hrs, remember to collect the characters before it ends as it will not count after!!
submitted by flamingobar to disneymagickingdoms [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 ogtinpottt I don’t do this, but W or L? (I’m on left)

I don’t do this, but W or L? (I’m on left) submitted by ogtinpottt to MADFUT [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 michyeo31 211130 fromis_9 Twitter Update

211130 fromis_9 Twitter Update submitted by michyeo31 to Fromis [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 welikebeef Kucoin.com Coupon Code rJGQ8VZ for up to 40% discount on trading fees : new customers can also claim a USDT welcome gift of up to $510.

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2021.11.30 06:56 pinkyfirefly MI6 boss warns of China 'debt traps and data traps'

submitted by pinkyfirefly to news [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 Simple-War3485 👑 KING DOLPHIN BSC 🐬 Liq locked 💰 Active devs 🐬 Active Developers with great community 🚀 Relaunching right now with one of the best solidity coders in BSC 🔮 Don’t miss out on this next big gem!!!

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submitted by Simple-War3485 to ico [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 theyloveitall It’s almost 5 am and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except me and my mouse. Watching 5 minute candles and then what should appear? But a giant green dildo and a grin ear to ear...

It’s almost 5 am and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except me and my mouse. Watching 5 minute candles and then what should appear? But a giant green dildo and a grin ear to ear... submitted by theyloveitall to Shibainucoin [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 kksharesneakers See the website for details

See the website for details submitted by kksharesneakers to ShareSneakers [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 _MirrorMask_ PSA: Ladies, if you ever took MC for menstrual cramps, NTUC Income Insurance may exclude coverage for Disorders of the Female Reproductive Organs

PSA: Ladies, if you ever took MC for menstrual cramps, NTUC Income Insurance may exclude coverage for Disorders of the Female Reproductive Organs submitted by _MirrorMask_ to singapore [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 ania-sat Spending real money - ads gone forever?

Hi everybody! I have never spent any real money in the game, but right now I have some credit that I can use for in-app purchases*, and I’m considering spending it on the MM key. I have read in a few threads that once you spend any real money, you will get much less ads, so I have a few questions for those of you who know how it works. Are they gone forever or does it only last for some time? If so, for how long? Does it affect all the ads (daily energy, gems, food) or does it only apply to some of them?
I hope it makes sense, thank you in advance :)
*For those of you who use Android it comes from an app called Google Rewards, you can get some "free" money to spend on apps and in-app purchases in exchange for filling out a short survey from time to time.
submitted by ania-sat to HPHogwartsMystery [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 BrEd_ShEeRaNELON BRED SHEERAN

BRED SHEERAN submitted by BrEd_ShEeRaNELON to StevenHe [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 Onlyquestionshehe Somebody woke up angry today

Somebody woke up angry today submitted by Onlyquestionshehe to IllegallySmolCats [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 Imjusttrynarap I need help finding a specific scene/ moment of dialogue between Walter & Gus

Some background of what I'm referring to: I remember there was situation where Walter was unable to meet a specific quota of meth for gus, I believe due to another obligation.
He promises to provide double the amount next time. I'm looking for episode/ time stamp where that interaction occurs.
I'd really appreciate it, I plan to use it for a creative writing class. For the life of me I can't remember.
submitted by Imjusttrynarap to breakingbad [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 Fair_Pop1627 🎄 Cute Santa | 1000x potential 🚀 | Just Launched | Experienced Team | 7% DOGE rewards 🎁 | Anti-Whale | Dont Miss out !!!

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1,000,000,000 Total supply
3% max wallet to prevent whales
1% max tx to prevent dumps

Tax 10% for buy & sell:
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1% to locked liquidity pool
2***% to marketing and buyback***
Slippage is ~ 10-12%

Contract: 0xa6bfd81a1f0d4267825078c808b96f7f40e3088f
Buy Now: https://pancakeswap.finance/swap?outputCurrency=0xa6bfd81a1f0d4267825078c808b96f7f40e3088f
Renounced Ownership: https://bscscan.com/token/0xa6bfd81a1f0d4267825078c808b96f7f40e3088f#readContract
Liquidty locked: https://deeplock.io/lock/0xE510CC2ac8393d4374d4c3250C3F2f529f064884
submitted by Fair_Pop1627 to cryptostreetbets [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 PyloDEV We are nearing the MCreator 2021.3 pre-release so this is one of the last chances to get your language's % bumped up by helping to translate more parts of the interface to your native language. Join and help us on https://translate.mcreator.net/

We are nearing the MCreator 2021.3 pre-release so this is one of the last chances to get your language's % bumped up by helping to translate more parts of the interface to your native language. Join and help us on https://translate.mcreator.net/ submitted by PyloDEV to MCreator [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 Old_Juggernaut2830 Thoughts?

submitted by Old_Juggernaut2830 to fantasypremierleague [link] [comments]

2021.11.30 06:56 Malesto Aim Down Sight on shift alongside sprint, or separate?

I have it on default which is the same key, but do others often swap them?
submitted by Malesto to HuntShowdown [link] [comments]